For many years, popular Nollywood actress, Chika Ike has refused to speak about her reasons for leaving her former husband, Tony Eberiri. However, she has finally broken her silence about the matter. On Saturday (August 9) she posted a Facebook update, in which she went into her reasons for leaving her former husband. Continue for text of the update ...
The past three years has been a very emotional period for me , i focused my energy on work and to build back my self esteem. its been really hard for me to come out straight and talk about this because sometimes I pinch myself to wake up and not believe that I was a victim of domestic violence. I've been through a lot in my life ,faced a lot of challenges but this is one topic I've tried so hard to avoid and have been waiting for the right time but I have come to a resolve that there's really no right time because every second of the day,lives are being lost due to domestic violence. I was a victiim of domestic violence in my marriage and that was the singular reason i left my marriage ,aside other reasons.
Growing up as a girl. I was always known as the sweetest kid on the block, before I got married, I have been through some relationships and for once no man had ever laid a finger on me. The first time it happened in my marriage I didn't understand it because I am not the type of woman a man beats but I guess there are no types. It just happens and no woman deserves it. As a young girl I thought it was love or his way of expressing his emotions,after every beating he pleads , cries and says it won't happen again, once again I thought it was love and made excuses for him. Over the years when it kept happening consistently I started looking for other definitions for it. I started loosing my self pride,self esteem , self worth, and most painfully i lost a pregnancy (Miscarriage) I almost lost my life in the process then I realised how serious and abnormal it really was..
I have heard and read a lot of accusations from ignorant people who don't know my story,I guess that's why they are ignorant. I was 20yrs old and very naïve to the world when I got married .“ They said I married for money“ LOL. I was married to a corporate guy,who had a 9_5 job in a bank, Lives in a rented 2 bedroom apartment at Egbe.. So do the maths! . I married for love. I did a traditional wedding. A white wedding and a court wedding. So that's how much I wanted to be married forever. For five years I hoped, prayed & wished that one day it will all change. But the last straw that broke the carmels back was during a heated argument he threw a glass jug to my face and I dogged it and it shattered on d wall. I saw death flash before me and I made a decision to save my life. I left my marriage.
Am not saying this to draw pity from anyone because we are entitled to our opinions and believes.i am not also saying this to discourage people from falling in love because its a beautiful feeling and I still believe in it. I am saying this to educate ,share and talk about my experience as a victim of domestic violence because it is real.
No woman deserves to go through domestic violence. You are never alone- many women suffer as well. Thanks for sharing and I wouldn't judge you. You are such a talented young lady and it will be well with you. God bless your mind!
ReplyDeleteNimo
I feel your pain may God give u a second chance in Jesus name amen
ReplyDeletesorry for that intimidation
ReplyDeleteYou don't deserve this na, you are a pretty lady with talents,the man must be a fool not to keep You and treat you well as a lady. Some men are so unbelieveable. Continue your life and you'll be just fine My dear.
ReplyDeleteIt's well my dear.
ReplyDeleteGod know' be strong
ReplyDeleteWao Chika not really a good experiece being battered by one who professed love for you. As a christian divorce is not permissible because u re not permitted to remarry except ur ex dies. May God help you my dear.
ReplyDeleteSweet heart...am short of words!am glad u ran for ur life..well no christian should die foolishly in as much as divorce is not permitted in Christianity..Wisdom is profitable to direct..keeP rocking ur world Chika.
ReplyDeleteHmmm!divorce is not permissible for christians,death ends d marraige but d marriage should not cause ur death!nne m,u made d right choice to save ur life.
ReplyDeletesweety you don't owe us any explanation , why you left the man , no woman leaves her matrimonial home just because she feels like it, let the ignorant be ignorant, but what is important is your life, I'm sorry about your unborn child, I've been there myself, where a man carried on abusing me and kept on telling me it was love and I forced him to do it, he broke my self-esteem, he broke the woman that I was once was, I drew the line when he beat me up while I was pregnant and went home, he came after me threatening my family, it was at this point that he was thrown behind bars, and his family came after me with everything they had, I was forced to relocate s.
ReplyDeleteGood ! Its better u run for ur dear life, there's always a second chance. Be good nd be prayerful nd God will do the best for u. Ur better half is out there waiting for u to love,cherish, adore nd pamper u like a queen u are. I love u, am one of ur fan, nd it is well wit u my dear. Stay bless
ReplyDeleteIts also good to hear the version of the epic from her ex husband before passing judgement.
ReplyDeleteBy just looking at your comments I can tell ur from the deepest of the rural\jungle, I am not expecting your reasoning to be anything better than someone who just woke up from stone age massacre.
DeleteAbusers usually lie in order to protect themselves. They try to shame the other person, in order to make themselves look like the wronged party. Same old story.
DeleteAs much as I always say "happily should be ever after" I didn't say spend it with an abusive husband... Its a good thing You ran, cause if you want to spend the rest of your life with him, am not sure You will live to have a life to spend with the rest. Am happy for You super woman...... Jules:-)
ReplyDeleteIt's so unfortunate that some Nolly-Wood actress are not a good role models to the society.
ReplyDeleteIf you look upto someone else to be your rolemodel then there's something wrong with you, she she had died in the hands of that monster all in the name of being a role model to you? Would you subject your own child to such ill treatment, No you wouldn't,
DeleteI now understand what these poor Nollywood women are going through, because of the need to live up to the so called community expectations they get married before they are ready hence so many divorces, they are pressured to get married , once the marriage collapses its their fault
DeleteOn the contrary, Chika is a very good role model. She has spoken out about an issue which is very important in society. We cannot build good marriages and have strong families where domestic violence exists. This is an important issue which needs to be addressed. She has shown courage in speaking out about this. Thank you Chika! We love you.
Deletewell u might say she has spoken out but the question is this, what did she do before her husband started treating her in that manner? we all have wives @ home and we know hw annoying they can be. my father always tell me that any woman that lost a good character can never achieve a good marital life. check ur attitude when u guys were still curtting and compare it to when u entered his house. or did he started to beat u from the alter?
DeleteA man has no reason for what-so-ever the woman have done to beat her. Many ways to work out your anger. You have no right to lay a finger on her, she is your help mate not your punching bag.
DeleteI completely agree! Your comment is disgusting, pathetic and very disrespectful to women. How can you make excuses for domestic violence? There is no excuse for abuse and real men do not hit women.
DeleteYou also seem to have forgotten the African proverb that - Until the lion has his or her own storyteller, the hunter will always have the best part of the story...
Chika has done us a great service by giving voice to the suffering of countless women whose stories and experiences of cruelty and abuse are never heard. She did right to speak up and many will applaud her for this. She is our strong lioness!
Those men who are against what Chika has done, will show themselves up as being those who believe that "a woman should know her place", which is under the hand and control of an abusive man. Please come up to date. This is 2013 for heaven's sake and please learn some respect for women!
Fake friends tell you the pretty lies. True friends tell you the ugly truth.
ReplyDeleteAllow me to engage you on that statement, I'm not Chika's friend but a woman who knows how it feels to be battered by a looser a coward that suffers a low self esteem, In this world there's no place for such pple that makes other ppls small to make themselves feel better
DeleteI have never met Chika, but I respect her for what she is doing for women, men and society.
DeleteShe is also helping children. Those who grow up in abusive families can suffer serious psychological problems. Thank you Chika for speaking out about this. For too long we have been silent about the truth.
DeleteWhat goes around… comes around.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you're not China's x abuser? You're sure sound like him ,
Deleteam very sure he is the he-goat
DeleteRespect is earned, not given.
ReplyDeleteYou are earning no respect from these your comments.
DeleteNobody has a perfect life. Everybody has their own problems. Some people just know how to deal with it in a perfect way.
ReplyDeleteEvery relationship has its problems, but what makes it perfect is if you still want to be together when things go wrong.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be missing a point here Sir George, an innocent life was wasted
DeleteKnowing a person is like music, what attracts us to them is their melody, and as we get to know who they are, we learn their lyrics.
ReplyDeleteSo you also a poet
DeleteHahaha :)
DeleteHow am i suppose to have self esteem if everyone else is better looking than i am gosh.
ReplyDeleteGlad we finaly agree on 2 things, you do have a low self esteem, 2 chances that you're the man in question, Are 100, allow me to tell you this, we all make mistakes, we only humanafter all, so own up to yours and be a man enough to appologise and the young woman might just be forgiving
DeleteNever explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it.
ReplyDeleteSo true
DeleteWe love gossiping about celeb divorces. #4 was the most memorable!
ReplyDeletespeak for yourself Sir , I couldn't care less who marries who and who divorces who,you strike a woman you strike a rock
DeleteChika,Welcome to Karma Cafe. There is no menu. You will get served what you deserve.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you're not talking about yourself here?
DeleteIt is well my dear.
ReplyDeleteWhich prince would bring you your happily ever after?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there must be plenty of Princes lining up for Chika's attention. Let us hope that she finds a truly wonderful and worthy one to crown as her King :)
DeleteWe wish her well - health, happiness & success, by God's grace.
Hakuna Matata”the term used in Disney movie Lion King is actually a Swahili phrase which means “there are no worries”.
ReplyDeleteDo you know the one used in South Africa the one that says Wathinta abafazi, wathinta imbokodo? That's a Xhosa one meaning you strike a woman, you strike a rock
DeleteWe all make mistakes. Don’t let that be the reason you give up on somebody.
ReplyDeleteWhen God puts that special someone in your life, you better not let that person go.
ReplyDeleteSpecial someones do not abuse and hit their other halves...
DeleteChika,I hate excuses. Be real and admit you fucked up Lmao.
ReplyDeletethe fact is you are the biggest fool i have ever come across online all my life, you call your self a man yet you comment like an idiot, because if i say like a woman, women are not this stupid and if i say like a kid, my lil kid can't comment like an illiterate, i read all you comment and i tell you, you are chika's ex-husband, you are that he-goat that beat up a woman, am sure you learn that from your father, it is so clear and open that she is right, you are just a taout, and an idiot to the fullest, instead of you to hide your self in shame for not being man enough you are here commenting here like a fool that you are, shameless he-goat.
DeleteI respect people that tell me the truth, no matter how hard it is.
ReplyDeleteIf that's the case, then read some of the comments here and you might learn something.
DeleteIn Russia, September 12th is celebrated as the “Day of conception” in which couples are given a holiday to have sex.
ReplyDeleteChika,Relationships takes two people. Not one person being faithful and another acting single.
ReplyDeleteChika,It’s not hard to find someone who tells you they love you, it’s hard to find someone who actually means it.
ReplyDeleteChika,The Worst Feelings: Cheated on Replaced Over-thinking Lied to Led on Not appreciated Not cared for Being left out Ignored Worrying.
ReplyDeleteChika,When two people really care about each other, they will always look for a way to make it work, no matter how hard it is.
ReplyDelete47% of professional models are addicted to cocaine and unfaithful to their partners...
ReplyDeleteChika,Cheating is easy, try doing something challenging and be faithful…
ReplyDeleteChika, I admire your courage in coming out and telling the truth. I recognise everything you describe because I've been there myself. The lowering of self-esteem, the self-blame, the loss of self-respect, the unwillingness to leave because you want to make it work. You hang on, in the hope that things will eventually change... but in the end you need to get out, in order to preserve your sanity and your life.
ReplyDeleteWhen you leave, you remain silent, not wanting to bother others with your distress and pain, feeling wrongly ashamed and embarrassed and even wanting to protect the reputation of the one who has abused you.
However, this is not always a good idea. People make all sorts of assumptions, talk about you behind your back, sometimes unkindly, adding insult to injury. Your ex could also be trying to spread all sorts of lies about you far and wide, in an attempt to punish you for leaving, protect himself and damage your reputation.
Big respect to you for speaking out! You have done the right thing. It is not self-pitying, but a great service to all women who have been, are being and will be abused in our own homes by our husbands and partners.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Madonna is 55 and her boyfriend is 22. Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend is 26. Dont worry if you’re not dating, they might not be born yet.
ReplyDeleteChika,When you really love someone, even if there are a million reasons to leave, you still look for that one reason to stay.
ReplyDeleteChika,It’s not about keeping your relationship a secret. It’s about keeping it private. People don’t need know everything.
ReplyDeleteChika,I wonder if you feel what I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteShe's not worried Mr George, so don't loose your sleep over it, we both know it he's out there its just a matter of time, so eat your heart out, I actually feel sorry for you , you trying to be strong but the truth is you wish you cld turn back the hands of time
ReplyDeleteChika,Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper than dinner for two open your eyes wide.
ReplyDeleteChika,A true relationship is when you can tell each other anything and everything. No secrets and no lies.
ReplyDeleteWe have to say the things we feel or we might not get another chance to say it again.
ReplyDeleteChika,Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you..
ReplyDeleteChika,God only knows what went wrong and why.
ReplyDeleteChika, it seems you could be being hounded and verbally abused by your ex even here. It could be your ex, or another man/men who beat women and do not like you speaking out. Perhaps they believe that "women should know their place." I'm sorry about this.
ReplyDeleteActually, they are only shaming themselves further. We are not fooled. Like I said, exes often try to spread all sorts of lies about us behind our backs, once we have taken the courageous decision to leave. This also happened to me. Those who commit domestic violence love to be in control. When control is taken from them, they feel the need to retaliate and gain it back, by whatever means necessary. Do not worry about this, it will pass, and I'm sure people will see these comments for what they are - sad, immature and unworthy of a real man.
It would be better for men to drop their egos and macho bravado, admit to what they have done and seek psychological help for themselves, so that they do not repeat the same patterns with future partners. This would earn them more respect and would also help other men who have similar problems. Men need to learn to take responsibility for their problems and to seek help.
Real men do not hit women, they do not spread lies about women, they are able to humble themselves, admit their own vulnerabilities and problems and seek help as appropriate.
Chika,Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together.
ReplyDeleteBeing single is so much better than being lied to, cheated on & disrespected
ReplyDeleteThat still doesn't give you a right to hit her,that makes you less of a man I'm sorry, it makes you a male
DeleteHow do we know that's the truth. Abusers usually lie to protect themselves.
DeleteChika,Couples who spend at least 10 minutes a day laughing together are more likely to have a stronger relationship.
ReplyDeleteEric or George whatever u call yourself, you need to see a doctor, there is a screw missing somewhere n your brain definitely
ReplyDeleteEric George has shamed himself... he is looking more and more like Tony Eberiri
DeleteI wish him happiness too, but he will not get it by doing what he is doing here.
God blessed a Woman with the patience to stay & the strength to move on.
ReplyDeleteIgnore the people who bring you down asshole.
ReplyDeleteYou are bringing yourself down OOO
DeleteChika,Ever wonder why your friends are so strange? Maybe they're in one of these weird NEW CULTS. Could you be too?...
ReplyDeleteYou sound very strange yourself...
DeleteExcuse me, miss, you’ve got a little bit of face on your makeup there.
ReplyDeleteAre you jealous because she's so beautiful? Maybe still in love with her... well who can blame you dear
DeleteERIC GEORGE, I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU
ReplyDeleteChika,Relationship needs FAITH: Fidelity, Attention, Interest, Trust, Honor.
ReplyDeleteIt is what it is. Accept it and move on
ReplyDeleteMaybe talking to yourself here
DeleteOh dear!
Chika,Love isn’t something to be played around with so if you play around with it be prepared for it to play around with you.
ReplyDeleteChika,Sometimes, having some space is what you need to realize what you really want.
ReplyDeleteThis could be made into a Nollywood movie :)
ReplyDeleteA negative mind will never give you a positive life.
ReplyDeleteCaring too much only fucks you over.
ReplyDeleteI hope I never have to run for my life. Honestly, I would probably die.
ReplyDeleteCheating isn't an accident. Falling down is an accident... You don't just trip and fall into a vagina.
ReplyDeleteHow come I can barely get reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
ReplyDeleteLadies,“Spotlight Effect” a psychological phenomena is when you think everyone around is looking at you specially when you’re hiding something.
ReplyDeleteMay God help you Eric George
ReplyDeletebecause on your comments we do gorge
We feel sorry for you
while wishing you all the best
But why continue to be such a pest?
Your comments are becoming too much
Don't you know we love Chika
and her reputation you cannot touch
You are clearly suffering and it's sad
to be afflicted with this sort of psychological trouble
But don't think you can insult our Chika
and burst her bubble
There's no need to show up this way
Looking and sounding so bad and sad
because you realise
She's the best thing you ever had
Praying that God will comfort and guide you
In this time of trouble
But don't think you can insult our Chika
and burst her bubble
A beautiful talented woman and more
May God grant her health happiness, more success
and a wonderful family life in store
May God help us all!
If you love her... you will tell her the truth if you must comment. "A so called christian woman divorced her husband" and all you guys could do is to congratulate her. Please let a married person come out and say he/she is not having a challenge(s) in marriage. Don't worry, somebody will also congratulate you someday, sometimes even more than twice!
Deletecommon sense goes a long way…
ReplyDeleteu r such a fool....bastard
DeleteChika,People who are sad or depressed are likely to spend more money than those who are happy open your eyes wide.
ReplyDeleteWhen trust is broken, sorry means nothing.
ReplyDeleteChika,A relationship should be between two people, not the whole world
ReplyDeletePeople tend to view others who are openly embarrassed as nicer people.
ReplyDeleteEverything has beauty. But not everyone can see.
ReplyDeleteIf you’re not going to speak up, how is the world supposed to know you exist?
ReplyDeletePeople change, memories don’t.
ReplyDeletethe trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.
ReplyDeleteBitch please, your legs open faster than the google home page
ReplyDeleteNever lower your standards to meet anyone’s expectations.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for every moment you spent listening to me.
ReplyDeleteShaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” is still my favorite song about a compulsive liar dating a woman with Down’s syndrome
ReplyDeleteStay loyal. Stay faithful. Stay true. Simple shit
ReplyDeleteDo I get jealous? Yes. Do I cry randomly? Yes. Do I get angry? Yes. Do I fight? Yes. Do I need a daily hug? Yes. “I’m only human…”
ReplyDeletePeople can only offend you if you value their opinion.
ReplyDeleteChika,Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel.
ReplyDeleteA wrong relationship will make you feel more alone than when you were single.
ReplyDeleteChika,It’s really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends…but it’s really sad when the best of friends become two strangers.
ReplyDeleteIn 2009 one of eight newly married couples in the US met online,maybe Mr right is waiting for you online.
ReplyDeleteRemember: It’s mandatory to grow old… But optional to grow up.
ReplyDeleteIf my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry 2. It won’t happen again 3. 1 & 2 are lies 4. You’re a pussy
ReplyDeleteChika,Be yourself, Live your dreams, Go after what you want. There are only so many chances. If you want it, go get it.
ReplyDeleteChika,A beautiful relationship does not depend upon how good we understand someone but on how well we avoid misunderstandings.
ReplyDeleteFUCK liars. FUCK cheaters. FUCK fakes. FUCK players. FUCK hoes. FUCK bitches. FUCK .. everybody that’s not REAL..
ReplyDeleteA calm mind helps our human intelligence to assess the situation realistically. Dont be sentiment or schemers.
ReplyDelete"It's time for women to stop being politely angry."
ReplyDeleteLeymah Gbowee, Noble Peace Prize Winner
Chika, i am so proud of you for speaking up. I had a near miss experience of a guy that was verbally abusive and i kept making excuses for him till God himself literally pulled me out before any further commitment. He was so shocked @ my decision to walk out and since then he has been cursing and threatening every member of my family. I really admire your courage. Keep it up girl cos u rock!
ReplyDeletesorry for ur pregnancy (Miscarriage) and hw ur husband did to u
ReplyDeleteChika i really admare your courage coz you are such a natural person even on stage. your ex will forever regret he lost
ReplyDeleteThe Nigerian spirit is to stay and make your marriage work. Was the domestic violence there at the beginning? Nigerian ladies should learn to manage their home that include their man. There are times when you have ups and downs in marriage, stay in it and work it out. It is for BETTER or for WORSE. Talking to the right people could also be a better option. It is true some men are SPECIES of some dangerous animals, but there is also a soft part in every man.
ReplyDeleteWhen we face challenges in our marriages, the wise thing is to revert to God and talk to a genuine person nit just your friends.
Chika, you are a good woman and pls don't close the options
I can't judge she only told us what we want to hear,God knws it all.
ReplyDeletei was once a victim of this kind of marriage but i thank God i kept waiting for God and God help me,my husband has change now. Thank God
ReplyDeleteDomestic violence is wrong and should not be practised no matter the provocation. There are always other ways of defining the stand in the home and no party need to get physical. Physical abuse is condemed in the strongest possible terms. In this case, it led to death of an unborn child and it can also lead to death of the woman. What most physical abusers do not realise is that it can also lead to their own death. A single act intended for self defense may lead to death of the physical abuser. So it is extremely dangerous for both parties. In a physical fight, it is not always the physically stronger that wins. Having said that, there are always two sides to every story. In a marriage relationship, one person is never completely right or completely wrong in all matters leading to disagreement in the home.
ReplyDeleteWhat i wouild have expected anybody being physically abused to do, is to check what causes the provocation and work on it. Except in some cases where the man comes home drunk and sees the woman in the house as punching bag not realising she's a human. That requires serious attention like counselling or even medical treatment and I will advocate a separation, while the healing process is being worked on.
I do pray and wish that both of you will honestly re-assess the live you lived together and admit where both of you have gone wrong. If you identify and admit your faults, you may have a healthier relationship if you come back together.
May God help you both in Jesus name.
The Dangers of Violence and Abuse in the Family
DeleteSome true words spoken here. However, please also bear in mind that sometimes abusers cannot or will not stop the abusive behaviour, or sometimes they stop for a while and then go back to it. Abusive behaviour can have many different aspects to it - physical, psychological/emotional, sexual, financial etc. Neglect can also be an issue.
I was raised in a home where there was daily abusive behaviour on the part of my father. On account of this, all of us children suffered severe psychological problems, which we still struggle with today.
At one point, Mum went to seek advice from a Pastor about the problems. However, rather than listen to the reality of the situation, he told her to stay and work at the marriage, no matter what circumstances we were living in, no matter how badly we were all suffering. He took no account of the abuse and trauma we were all suffering.
That was the wrong advice. We lived in fear, in a very unhappy family situation and we now bear the psychological wounds of this. It is not right to say "for better or for worse" if the worse includes inhuman treatment, torture, abuse and danger to health, wellbeing and even life itself. Our father abused us, as well as our mother - physically, emotionally and sexually, and that is why we continue to suffer today.
Therefore, please don't put Chika on a guilt trip about God, Jesus and marriage. That is what the Pastor did to our Mum and which resulted in her staying with a cruel and abusive husband.
Only Chika knows what happened in her marriage and only she, with the help of God and trusted others, can decide what is best for her and her future family life.
The Bible tells us not to judge others, so let us not do so. Only God knows the whole truth of the situation. Let us only pray for the best for Chika according to God's will.
The Bible also says that we should protect the rights of children:
"But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." Matthew 18:6
The foundation of the family is the relationship between husband and wife. When this is not right, we cannot expect to raise happy healthy children, who are worthy of the trust God has bestowed on us. Children are a wonderful gift from God. Let us keep their wellbeing and happiness in mind, so that we are not guilty of abusing the trust God has bestowed on us.
Let us please be mindful of these issues.
The only truth I've read so far.... All I can tell you Petra is that; Your marriage will never fail, and you shall never be a victim of battery in Jesus name.
DeleteMy beautiful Chika the Lord is ur strength. God have mercy on that man may he meet his match in Jesus name amen.
ReplyDelete